Father’s Day is here again. I admit I have now once seen B close a drawer, but other than that, this is still worth re-posting from last year Happy Father’s Day to all the dads and father figures out there, half-assed or whole!
We nicknamed my husband “Half-assed Brad,”
And as it turns out, he’s not all bad
Sure, when something’s open, it never is shut
Like scissors, dangerously waiting, for paper to cut
Toothpaste wide open, waiting for me
At least he has good dental hygiene, you see
One sock on the floor – just one, WHY?
“I was hot,” he says and rolls his eyes with a sigh
Today he remarked, “I really am half-assed”
“I’ve been playing 9 holes, not 18!” (I laughed.)
He’ll mow the front lawn, but the back lawn just grows
He’ll open a drawer, but he’ll never close
Infuriating, it is, but as he once wisely said,
“I could be Quarter-assed Charlie. Would you want him instead?”
He’ll marinate steak, but leave it out to rot
He’ll make spaghetti dinner, but won’t wash the pot
The best news of all: As a dad, he’s all there
When our boys need him, every time, anywhere
His power is humor, and sweet he can be
Shows our boys he loves them: kid one, two and three
Though half-assed you are, B, morning and night
Please teach the kids to try for 100%, alright?
To try their best, to find joy and love
just closing the cabinet would be a step above
So on this Father’s Day, thanks for all you do
Half-assed or full, we’d be lost without you
Happy Father’s Day to you, from the bottom of my heart
Lift the seat, put it down – never too late to start.
*No husband of mine had his feelings hurt with this title or poem. He knows we love him and that the poem is meant to be funny.