The p word
Let’s just get this out there. The p word. It sounds a little funny, it makes me a little uncomfortable, and I used to blush at the mere mention of it. Penis. That’s the word I’m talking about. There, I said it. (Sorry, Mom). It’s not a word I used or heard often when I was growing up — partly because I lived in a house dominated by females (my dad was outnumbered by my mom, my sister, and me), partly because we had a code word for it instead of the word itself, and mostly because I had no need for it in my daily vocabulary.
Things have changed. If anyone had told me ten years ago how many times this thing would come up in conversation in a house full of boys, I would have laughed my head off and told them that clearly they had some bizarre fixation. But now I know. These things really have a presence, physically and conversationally. I kind of wish we had been clever enough to give it a code word, but I didn’t have the foresight to know how prominent this word would become in my vocabulary. I had dinner with another M.O.B. tonight, and when I mentioned this topic, she quickly replied with, “Oh, yes. I could talk about the penis all day.” In fact, all moms of boys I know have shared laughs over this topic with me. We all seem to have the same stories and say similar things, like:
- Take your hands off your penis.
- I don’t need to see your penis in the kitchen. Ever.
- No, you didn’t crack your penis. Those are just little blue veins. They’re keeping you alive.
- No, I didn’t know you could fold it up like that. (Doesn’t that hurt? Apparently not.)
- Nope, I don’t want to see what you can do with your penis when I first wake up in the morning.
- I really didn’t know you could flop it around so much while waiting for the bath to fill. Yes, if penis-flopping were a sport, you’d win gold.
- What do you mean your “penis went up,” and that’s why there’s pee all over the bathroom wall now?
- Nope, I didn’t know I was supposed to point your penis down in your pull-up diaper.
- I didn’t mean to zip your penis in your pajamas.
Penis, penis penis. Everywhere. All the time. (Sorry, Mom. Really, I’m sorry!)
I admit to having seen a penis prior to having a baby. But, boy, are they full of surprises I never knew about. Did anyone else get a shock the first time you changed your son’s diaper? I remember calling my husband into the room. I was very concerned about the — dare I say it? — erection. An infant with an erection? That’s something I (naively?) thought didn’t happen until puberty. My husband simply said, “Yep. If you had one, you’d understand.” It was the beginning of a new world for me, and the first of many times my husband has used that same line. Boys love these things and are proud to possess them. In fact, my boys can’t fathom how I’m able to live without one of my own.
I remember long before I was a mom, hearing a colleague tell a story of her then-4-year-old son. He was naked, watching cartoons on the couch. She asked him, “Can you please get dressed?” He replied, “No, I’m good. I’m just hanging out with my penis.” I found it ridiculous and strange and hilarious all at once. But I get it now. I love that my boys have each other as built-in buddies. But apparently, even if they didn’t, they’d never feel alone thanks to their beloved — often floppy but always fun — companion: the penis.
#momsofboys #raisingsons #mobtruths #boys