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Category: Boys will be boys

Vacation with Boys: What I (re-)learned . . . again

Vacation with Boys: What I (re-)learned . . . again

boys vacation
So much for a #boymom to learn while vacationing with boys!

You may have read my post-vacation summary last summer, Vacation with Boys: What I (re-)learned.  Here we are again, after another family vacation . . . where I re-learned again things that I should have known to expect as a M.O.B. (Mother of Boys).    For Part 4 of 4 in my Disney Family Vacation series, I’ve captured the learnings for you.  Can you relate?

  • Time spent waiting in line is perfect for hitting siblings and for climbing on the dividers keeping the line organized.
boys climg
Vacation with Boys: Climbing
  • At least once, you will be certain you are the loudest people at the hotel. You likely ARE the loudest people at the hotel.
  • Somebody’s swimsuit will fall down, and someone’s little bare tushy will make other guests laugh.
  • You will learn to appreciate the 2’x2’ square space between the toilet, the bathroom door and the shower as your serenity space.  Your M.O.B. spa.  Your only sanctuary away from the chaos just a door away.
  • You are the only female in a hotel room full of males. You cannot possibly change clothes (or tampons, for that matter) fast enough to not be caught.
  • Sand will be thrown (even if you’re not at the beach).
  • Farts.  They’re still funny.
  • Noses will be picked.
pick nose
Noses will be picked
  • Hammocks are for swinging wildly.
  • Again, you will be the only one who seems to care about wearing a shirt.
  • Walking to a restaurant can be a full contact sport.
  • Wrestling.  Then more wrestling.  Enough said.
boys wrestle
Wrestling. Then more wrestling.
  • But at the end of a busy and fun day, laden with tantrums and yelling and laughter and rides and family time and fights, boys still like to snuggle their mommies.

I hope you’ve laughed and learned with my 4-part Disney Family Vacation Series!  Family vacations are fun . . . and funny.

#mobtruths #boymom #parenting #familyvacation

Exercise Routine for a Busy M.O.B.

Exercise Routine for a Busy M.O.B.

Exercise?  Hmmmm.  Since I have zero time to myself (ok, maybe 20 seconds of free time each day), I have trouble finding time to exercise.  I tried the awesome “Couch to 5k” running app last year, but my neighbor and I (she’s also a working mom) could only fit it in around 5am (think dark, cold, crazy).  While it was certainly invigorating and awesome to have such a sense of accomplishment by 5:30am, it reminded me I’m not so good at running.  Or exercising, really.

But I have three sons.  And I’ve decided that counts as my exercise for now.  It keeps me on my toes, and on my bum on the floor, then up again chasing them, then running around the house with spray cleaner to wipe up spills and pee and who knows what else, then getting up and down at least 10 times during dinner as they call out “May I have more milk?*” or “May I have a spoon?*” and I do laps of the kitchen as a short order cook to get them snack after snack and drink after drink even if it’s less than an hour after a meal (Boys are hungry!  It’s true!).  Not to mention the cardio workout of chasing D to get dressed.

Take that, morning exercise routine.

*Note: my kids almost never speak this politely when asking for things, but I’ve chosen to portray them today like well-polished young men to boost my confidence as a successful parent.  😉

parenting as exercise
Morning Exercise

 

#mobtruths #raisingboys #raisingsons #boymom #parenting #exercise

Good night, Butt Cheek: 10 unexpected & giggle-worthy uses of the term

Good night, Butt Cheek: 10 unexpected & giggle-worthy uses of the term

butt cheek
Butt cheek, butt cheek

I was a language major in college, and my friends know I’m pretty nerdy about grammar.  Now I’m a mom to three boys, well aware that so many things in parenting are enlightening . . . including the amazing and prominent role “butt cheek” has in the English vocabulary.  Well, at least in my house full of boys.  So many parts of speech.  So many emotions.  Such positive and negative underlying tonality.  And while my Mommy voice says, “Boys, that’s inappropriate,” the real me laughs inside every time I hear it.

Here is a list — a sort of dictionary, in fact — of how this term is used in songs and everyday speech, as a noun, adjective and even a verb.  I hope you find it helpful in your own house of boys.

  1. Butt cheek butt cheek penis butt cheek (Often sung by the youngest, at bath time or any time he’s nude . . . which is often)
  2. You’re so butt cheek.  (Note, this is derogatory.  You don’t want your brother to say this to you.)
  3. That’s so butt cheek!  (Not to be confused with #2 above.  This is positive in nature and means “cool.”)
  4. I can’t right now.  I’m butt cheeking.  (?????)
  5. Good night, Butt Cheek.  (Endearing)
  6. Go butt cheek, go butt cheek!  (A rally cry, supportive and fun)
  7. Awwww, butt cheek.  (Similar to “dang it.”)
  8. My butt cheek is better than yours . . . (To the tune of the milk shake song)
  9. Happy Butt Cheek to you (Another simple song)
  10. Secret Agent Butt Cheek (A common dress-up character in my house)

Do you have any to add to the list?  Please share!

#mobtruths #raisingboys #raisingsons #boymom #parenting

The order of the world world, according to my boys

The order of the world world, according to my boys

Zombies are popular these days.  I’m pretty sure I never knew anything about them when I was a kid.  But, according to my boys, they inhabited this Earth even before dinosaurs.  I have so much to learn.  🙂

Zombies, dinosaurs and more
Zombies and all

#mobtruths #boymom #parenting #evolution #raisingboys

Potty puppet?

Potty puppet?

What I wouldn’t give to have a bathroom clean enough for a potty puppet show . . .

#motherofboys #mobtruths #raisingsons #raisingboys #boymom

public bathroom puppet bathroom
With three sons, the bathroom smells like pee, reminiscent of a public bathroom at times

 

Fellow Mothers of Boys, how many times a week does your toilet need to be cleaned?

The p word

The p word

The p word

(boys love their penis!)
(boys love their penis!)

Let’s just get this out there.  The p word. It sounds a little funny, it makes me a little uncomfortable, and I used to blush at the mere mention of it.  Penis.  That’s the word I’m talking about.  There, I said it. (Sorry, Mom).  It’s not a word I used or heard often when I was growing up — partly because I lived in a house dominated by females (my dad was outnumbered by my mom, my sister, and me), partly because we had a code word for it instead of the word itself, and mostly because I had no need for it in my daily vocabulary.

Things have changed.  If anyone had told me ten years ago how many times this thing would come up in conversation in a house full of boys, I would have laughed my head off and told them that clearly they had some bizarre fixation. But now I know.  These things really have a presence, physically and conversationally.  I kind of wish we had been clever enough to give it a code word, but I didn’t have the foresight to know how prominent this word would become in my vocabulary.  I had dinner with another M.O.B. tonight, and when I mentioned this topic, she quickly replied with, “Oh, yes.  I could talk about the penis all day.” In fact, all moms of boys I know have shared laughs over this topic with me.  We all seem to have the same stories and say similar things, like:

  • Take your hands off your penis.
  • I don’t need to see your penis in the kitchen.  Ever.
  • No, you didn’t crack your penis.  Those are just little blue veins.  They’re keeping you alive.
  • No, I didn’t know you could fold it up like that. (Doesn’t that hurt? Apparently not.)
  • Nope, I don’t want to see what you can do with your penis when I first wake up in the morning.
  • I really didn’t know you could flop it around so much while waiting for the bath to fill.  Yes, if penis-flopping were a sport, you’d win gold.
  • What do you mean your “penis went up,” and that’s why there’s pee all over the bathroom wall now?
  • Nope, I didn’t know I was supposed to point your penis down in your pull-up diaper.
  • I didn’t mean to zip your penis in your pajamas.

Penis, penis penis.  Everywhere.  All the time.  (Sorry, Mom. Really, I’m sorry!)

I admit to having seen a penis prior to having a baby.  But, boy, are they full of surprises I never knew about. Did anyone else get a shock the first time you changed your son’s diaper?  I remember calling my husband into the room.  I was very concerned about the — dare I say it? — erection.  An infant with an erection? That’s something I (naively?) thought didn’t happen until puberty. My husband simply said, “Yep. If you had one, you’d understand.” It was the beginning of a new world for me, and the first of many times my husband has used that same line. Boys love these things and are proud to possess them.  In fact, my boys can’t fathom how I’m able to live without one of my own.

I remember long before I was a mom, hearing a colleague tell a story of her then-4-year-old son.  He was naked, watching cartoons on the couch.  She asked him, “Can you please get dressed?” He replied, “No, I’m good.  I’m just hanging out with my penis.”  I found it ridiculous and strange and hilarious all at once.  But I get it now.  I love that my boys have each other as built-in buddies. But apparently, even if they didn’t, they’d never feel alone thanks to their beloved — often floppy but always fun — companion: the penis.

#momsofboys #raisingsons #mobtruths #boys

 

School shopping – with a son. One boy’s adventure.

School shopping – with a son. One boy’s adventure.

School shopping . . . with a son.

School shopping - with a son
School shopping – with a son

It’s that time of year again — back-to-school shopping season is in full swing!  For one brief moment, I envisioned a back-to-school shopping trip with my two school-age sons:  Which shirts will they pick out?  Will they want high top sneakers or boat shoes?  Will they finally agree to jeans and khakis instead of athletic pants?  Where will we have a leisurely lunch to laugh and smile and spend great quality time together?

That’s funny stuff.  Because none of it happened.  R opted to go to the grocery store with Daddy and D instead.  E graciously agreed to come with me, clearly unaware of what he was in for (note: almost 3 hours at the mall).  I documented our journey that day and couldn’t help but laugh at just about every step of the way, while this feisty redhead made the best of those hours.  Here is a glance at our shopping trip, from what I’m guessing was E’s perspective:

One 5-year-old boy‘s back-to-school shopping journey:

  1.  In the first store, spot a cool gumball machine — the kind with the twisty tube the gumball rolls down — and beg for a quarter.  Do not leave this topic until Mom promises a quarter for at some point in the day.  Ask Mom 5 times if we’re done shopping, before she even selects one thing to buy.
  2. Sit down, get comfortable, and play with your feet while Mom waits in a seemingly endless cashier’s line in the department store.  Hope she pays with cash so she ends up with a quarter for the gumball machine.

    School shopping -- with a son
    School shopping — with a son
  3. Scope out the lay of the land on the way to the second store.  Pretend you’re in jail.

    Let me out!
    Let me out!
  4. Eat delicious cinnamon pretzels and ask lots of questions about mannequins on the way down the hall.  What if the mannequins could move?  What if they were made of metal?  What if they could change their own clothes? Fight with mom about having to wipe your hands on a napkin before going into another store — so what if your fingers are covered in yummy cinnamon/sugar? IMG_2063 IMG_2064
  5. High-five a mannequin.  Talk to him.  Then punch him.  Just because.

    High five
    High five
  6.   Check yourself out in a mirror.  For a long time.  While Mom says repeatedly, “Let’s go.”Hello, me.
  7. Rearrange gift card displays.  I mean, “organize” them.  Sort the cards so the same designs are all in the right slots. Then pick a few and mix them up.  Just because. IMG_2082
  8. Make a roller coaster out of belts hanging on the rack.
  9. JUMP.Jump
  10. Climb mountains. IMG_2077
  11. Make fart noises with the cup from the pretzels. IMG_2080
  12. Choose high top sneakers and tell mom the boat shoes she suggested are NOT COOL.

    High tops!
    High tops!
  13. When you’re in a store that’s far from the public restroom, realize you have to pee RIGHT NOW.  Tell Mom it has to be NOW or you’re going to pee in your pants.  Have her ask the store clerk where the nearest restroom is, only to find out the closest one is closed and you have to go to a department store farther down the hall.  RUN there, but also take time to JUMP a few times, making Mom wonder how bad you really have to go and whether she really had to stop everything to get you to the bathroom. IMG_2089
  14. FINALLY enjoy a gumball, even though it really is too big for your mouth. IMG_2091
  15. Wonder whether Mom actually got any shopping done today and what your brothers got at the grocery store with Dad.