Father’s Day: Ode to a Half-assed Husband*

Father’s Day: Ode to a Half-assed Husband*

Father’s Day is here again.  I admit I have now once seen B close a drawer, but other than that, this is still worth re-posting from last year  Happy Father’s Day to all the dads and father figures out there, half-assed or whole!

Father's Day
A Father’s Day ode: Open. But never Shut.

We nicknamed my husband “Half-assed Brad,”

And as it turns out, he’s not all bad

Sure, when something’s open, it never is shut

Like scissors, dangerously waiting, for paper to cut

Toothpaste wide open, waiting for me

At least he has good dental hygiene, you see

One sock on the floor – just one, WHY?

“I was hot,” he says and rolls his eyes with a sigh

Today he remarked, “I really am half-assed”

“I’ve been playing 9 holes, not 18!” (I laughed.)

He’ll mow the front lawn, but the back lawn just grows

He’ll open a drawer, but he’ll never close

Infuriating, it is, but as he once wisely said,

“I could be Quarter-assed Charlie.  Would you want him instead?”

He’ll marinate steak, but leave it out to rot

He’ll make spaghetti dinner, but won’t wash the pot

The best news of all:  As a dad, he’s all there

When our boys need him, every time, anywhere

His power is humor, and sweet he can be

Shows our boys he loves them: kid one, two and three

Though half-assed you are, B, morning and night

Please teach the kids to try for 100%, alright?

To try their best, to find joy and love

just closing the cabinet would be a step above

So on this Father’s Day, thanks for all you do

Half-assed or full, we’d be lost without you

Happy Father’s Day to you, from the bottom of my heart

Lift the seat, put it down – never too late to start. 

*No husband of mine had his feelings hurt with this title or poem.  He knows we love him and that the poem is meant to be funny.

#mobtruths #fathersday #dads #boymom #parenting

 

 

 

 

 

 

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